17th Feb 1996
It’s a frosty winter day and I’m waiting in the bus stop. I’m too excited because after so many years of struggle I’m finally into a job. Yes, today is my first day at work. I woke up early and got ready so that I can escape the traffic. My mind is completely filled with thoughts of my new work place, new colleagues and I’m also bit tensed as to how people are going to mingle with me. My face seemed to be too bright and glowing. With these mixed thoughts lingering in my mind, I started to laugh. Suddenly I realized that everyone in the bus stop gave a wearied look and that’s nothing new to me.
What surprised me was one female in that stop dint bother to notice me. Did she not see me or she saw me and dint want to see my ugly face again? Am I not worth it? I always have this inferiority complex; however I try to overcome it I’m not able to. May be I don’t even deserve her look I guess. Boys are always concerned if good looking girls don’t turn their face to, at least pass on a shitting look. Forget it.
Finally I got into the bus with a lot of struggle. The bus is not too crowded so I somehow managed to get a seat. I took my tickets for National InfoTech Park. She was having her bus pass, so I was not able to make out her destination. She is sitting just opposite to me. My eyes are fixed at her beauty. May be I dint have a proper look at her in the bus stop I guess. I dint know that she is this pretty. It’s too cheap to stare at somebody like this for a long time. But still I’m not able to take my eyes from her. She is looking damn gorgeous, so simple; her black saree suited her well. She is ineffably beautiful. I was just wondering if she is working as a school teacher as she is wearing a saree or maybe she is into classical dancing or may be a singer. Means she looked so homely in that dress. One side of my mind was occupied with these thoughts while the other side was thinking about my personality compared to hers. I told myself that I can only look at beautiful girls like her and should never try to spoil their life. Yes, if they marry me for sure I’m going to ruin their life. That too this girl is too pretty and I don’t want her to suffer.
For the first time I felt that city buses are too fast, yes I have reached my place. To my surprise she also got down in the same stop. I struggled hard to get down from the stairs and took me thirty seconds to get down due to which others got annoyed. Every passenger inside the bus was asking her to help me because she got down first (and she was the only person to get down in that stop other than me). She stared at me and told, “When you like to move alone in public places, you should have the same will power to move on without anyone’s help”. Before she could complete the sentence I got down with the conductors help.
How do you expect a so called physically challenged person to get down from the bus without any help?
I have disabled legs since birth. I heard that my parents left me in an orphanage on seeing my disability. I never felt alienated in that orphanage because I was in the midst of people like me. I strived hard to finish my graduation. Now I’m a B.Com graduate. As I’m a grownup I don’t like to bother others, so I tried for all possible job opportunities and after ten months time I got a one. It’s not that I dint qualify the other interviews, I was recruited but they were more concerned about my legs thinking that my productivity will be less and they rejected me due to transportation complications also.
People forget the fact that I too have a life. I wish to stand on my own feet (not literally possible). I’m longing to live a normal life like others. Expect for my legs, I too have a heart which longs for peoples love and only love. I remember people coming to our place and they provide us food and clothing but no one is generous enough to adopt disabled kids like me. I’m not hurting their humanity but instead of sharing their wealth with us they can adopt us and share a part of their life which will fill our life with love. Also taking care of people like me is a great burden. We need someone’s help to do our routine works only. No one can enjoy with us.
Then why did God create us? I guess that it’s for others to make fun of. We are always criticized, looked upon as the weaker class, disrespected and what not? Usually we are considered as a symbol of bad luck. But, I wish to prove them wrong.
I reached office at 9 AM sharp and I was able to notice that on my way, almost everyone around gave me wearied look of sympathy. Anyways, this is not new to me so I continued to walk further to meet my SPOC, Mr. Jonathan. He introduced me to a team of 8 members and I was surprised to see the same girl whom I met in bus. She is the Senior Design Engineer of the team. WOW! What a wonderful, pleasing, lovely name, Abi. I have come across this name umpteen times in my life but now I feel like that’s the best name I have ever heard. She gave me a firm handshake and welcomed me to the team. Initially I felt like an alien in the team. Later as days go by, I felt at home in the team. It was Abi who helped me in understanding my work. So far, I never knew that life would be this enjoyable. I’m just living my days.
Almost 5 years passed since I joined this job. People believe that I live a decent life as I own a big apartment and a four wheeler car. I’m happy by all means except for one thing, I’m not able to gain strength to express my love for Abi. This doesn’t mean that I’m a freak; I’m making all the basic needs to begin a new life with her so that she finds no reason to reject me. Today being my 28th birthday, I have decided to give a party to my close friends in the nearby hotel. Of course, Abi is the main guest. I wish this is my last bachelor birthday. Yes, I’m planning to talk about our marriage tonight. Sounding strange? But, for me it’s quite normal because I knew that she is also in love with me.
A lot of incidents will prove her love for me. First time when I felt her love was during my first team outing to a theme park. I initially refused to join my team but as Abi forced I agreed. I watched everyone playing games and having fun. I felt bad about my disability. Earlier I thought that if I earn well then I can stay happy but now I’m able to realize that wealth is nothing. A sweet husky voice disturbed my thoughts. It was Abi sitting by my side. For the first time in my life I’m seeing a beautiful girl sitting beside me. She gave a broad smile and spoke nothing. May be she wished that I should start the conversation? We dint talk for almost 20 minutes, we were just enjoying our silence and watching the others having fun. Then, I invited her for a walk. We discussed a lot of things about her childhood, her family and her studies. So far I never knew that time could fly by so fast because I have almost spend 3 hours talking with her. Hours seemed like minutes to me. I gained the courage to ask her a question. “Abi, why dint you help me to get down from the bus on the day one of our meet? Also why did you ignore my presence in the bus stand before the bus could arrive?”
“First time when I saw you standing in the bus stand I pitied you. Immediately I turned my face and felt that you are also a human like us with just a disability so I told myself that there is no need to look upon you as a weaker race. Even when you tried hard to get down from the bus I thought that you are capable of doing it. I was so clear that I should never hurt you by my looks or actions.” When she spoke these words I was able to see the love in her eyes. I think you will agree with me, because till this very moment I feel that I have never hurt you even unintentionally. I was really moved by her words. I admire her attitude a lot. Abi always take things from a different perspective. There is lot of such incidents which attracted me to her.
Finally after the birthday party got over, I got a chance to drop her at her home. I have never felt this nervous in my life. Just need her badly by my side forever. I dint want to mess up things. I dint have any plan to execute also. I felt like we reached her house in no minutes. She got down from the car and asked me to come to her home. I replied saying that, “Abi, now that’s its midnight. I don’t like to accompany you to your home. Sure I will come sometime next week and discuss about our marriage with your parents”. I was expecting her to give me a strong slap. But she dint react at all, maybe she knew that I was going to propose. It’s always a tough job to judge girls. She waved me bye and gave a cute smile. I was just admiring her. I know that she is my girl.
It took us 6 long months to convince her parents for our marriage and that too they accepted just for Abi’s sake. Before thinking about our marriage, I have always thought if I’m spoiling Abi’s life. But my inner thought always corrects me telling that I can take good care of her. Slowly I started to believe that I can make her happy to the fullest extent possible. I was mentally prepared to have a new soul in my life. On the day of our marriage, I took her hand in mine and till today I have never let her down.
17th July 2011
I have lived a decade with her. Today is our 10th wedding anniversary. We both just stopped by the beach side to celebrate our day. Ten years passed but my love for her is increasing in folds every day, every minute, every nano-second. Everyday I’m able to see something new in her. I have always felt her love in everything she does for me. The best moments I had with her, been our night talks that we do everyday where we just enjoy our silence. Just a tender look from her is enough to forget all my worries. She has guided me at bad times and made me what I’m today. Even now I’m just admiring her playing with my son. Yes, we have a 5 year old kid, Aditya. Gosh, she is running towards me.
“Hey honey, this time also Aditya won the game. I lost it thrice”
“I saw you lose the game purposefully. So, how are you doing Abi?”
“You have gone mad? You are seeing me every day and I guess you know about my how about”
“Hmm, why don’t you express by words honey please”
“I’m doing great with you by my side, sweetheart. I saw you starring at me for the past 2 hours. What up with you?”
“I was just wondering how lucky our son is to have a mom like you. Aditya is also physically challenged like me but you take good care of him to the extent that he is unaware of his disability. I really envy our kiddo. Sometimes I wish I should have had a mom like you.”
She gave a warm hug and patted at my back. Then I heard her whisper,”Gowtham, I love you dear kiddo”. That was the first time I’m hearing her say love you. After a long time she addressed me by my name. This is the most memorable moment of my life.
Tears just rolled down my cheeks. I dedicate this life to my soul mate.
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